You know what phase I am going through? The phase where you question yourself. The phase where you realize you should be doing a lot more with your life.
This post is just me thinking out loud. I am not saying if it’s right or wrong. Just some food for thought.
As I progress in my degree, I can see what my future will probably look like. I, currently enrolled to become a chemical engineer, can see myself wearing a lab coat, working 9-5 in some refinery’s lab. This may not be true, there are so many exciting aspects I am not aware of. But this would probably be it.
I have to admit, even though I understand the real world doesn’t work like the ones shown in movies. I imagined myself dressed smartly, travelling around, interacting with different people. Actually making a difference. And now suddenly this hits me. I am spending 4 years of my life, a whole lot of money on a degree I don’t fancy. It doesn’t make sense.
But sadly, that’s how things work. To live a stable life, no matter how boring, you need to have a degree. More like purchasing a guarantee for a job. Even then, people are unemployed. People are hopeless, depressed and rightfully so.
I shared this thought with my friend. And he says we are still young, we got a lot of years to live and do wonders.
That is so not true. Still young? Relative to what? Relative to Ayan Qureshi. A 5-year-old Microsoft certified professional. Or relative to the 13-year-old boy who died of a heart attack. I am not comparing intellects over here. My point is, life is too short and you have no excuse for not doing what you want.
Life is short. People with cancer are people who believe in death more than us. Cancer just gives death an expected date. I am not being insensitive over here. They go through much pain. But why is it, after we get told that we are going to die, we actually strive to live. We want to make the most of our time. It’s ridiculous.
You know, we never grow. Just like a child, we waste time. We do the opposites. Don’t fight with family, we gladly do that. Complete a task by a deadline, so likely to submit after. We are asked to live life. Yet we don’t.
My question. Understanding how my body thinks and operates. Am I going to do something about it? Am I going to live a routine life, like a stage, play my part and move on. Or. Or am I going to do something different. Something to my likes. Something where I feel content. Time will tell. My blog will tell.
I think I know what I am. I am lost.